|Photo by Mike Mozart.|
The Crimes and Punishment of ChipotleBy John R. Hall
Whenever possible I avoid eating at corporate chain restaurants, have never eaten at a Chipotle Mexican Grill, have no known friends or relatives employed by Chipotle, and own no stock in the company. Big corporations are a lot like politicians. They are required by corporate charter to have no hearts, no souls, and regardless of the business, their only motivation must be profit. It’s what they do. Public health and welfare be damned if it gets in the way. But every now and then, a Paul Wellstone manages to get himself elected to public office, and in an equally rare occurrence, sometimes a corporate CEO will announce a plan with socially redeeming value.
But Steve Ells didn’t stop with eliminating GMOs. If you’re going to play the healthy card, you might as well go for broke. He also announced that Chipotle would no longer use artificial ingredients or fillers. Beef, pork, and chicken would never contain growth hormones or steroids, and the animals would never be fed GMO crops as livestock feed. Cows, pigs, and chickens unfortunate enough to end up in Chipotle kitchens would at least get to experience the joy of living their abbreviated lives free-range and outside of corporate livestock mega-farms. There is also a requirement that vegetables be grown in healthy soil, and that all food products come from farms, not factories. Mr. Ells stopped just short of going all out organic, which might possibly his next step if he manages to survive punishment for crimes already committed.
Steve Ells’ crimes against the status quo should be obvious by now. I find it difficult to believe that I can’t find any other articles on the subject. Ells goes all healthy and environmentally responsible in a very public way in 2015, and suddenly his delicious, nutritious food is poisoning hundreds of innocent customers. WTF? Chipotle’s reputation went virtually untarnished until Steve Ells’ anti-GMO announcement, and now the only thing you can count on if you eat Chipotle’s healthy Mexican food is that you’ll soon be experiencing diarrhea, abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting, if not death. The only unknown factor is whether you’ll be inflicted with E. coli., salmonella, or norovirus. More than 200 unexplainable outbreaks of various kinds of food poisoning in at least ten states, and the corporate media has been over-emphasizing the culinary disaster for weeks on end. Nightly. Fear and loathing in High Definition. Chipotle…Chipotle…Chipotle! Beware.
Admittedly I haven’t personally investigated the possibility that a giant food conglomerate or agro-chemical corporation might have had their hands in this dirty business, and don’t intend to. All we have here is a boatload of circumstantial evidence. Conspiracy theory, if you will. Follow the money, boys and girls. Who stands to win if Chipotle goes broke? Who’s been celebrating the last couple months while Chipotle stock tanked by 200 or so points? I don’t know whether Dick Cheney is heavily invested in Monsanto, but I’d guess he’s not the one directly responsible for this particular assassination. All I know is that if I wanted to take down the tree-huggers at Chipotle, I’d hire a dozen desperate guys, plant them as employees, have them slip some slimy, filthy shit into the food, and let nature take its course. Follow the money. Follow the money. These coincidences are just too ridiculous to be true. Too fucking ridiculous.