The next Republican presidential primary clown show has just begun
|Illustration by DonkeyHotey.|
Let us state for the record, on this day and at this time, that Texas Senator Ted Cruz will never ever ever EVER be President of These Here United States of ‘Murica.
In a field that will surely be chock full o’nuts, he may be the least appealing nut in the bowl. With the possible exceptions of escaped circus clown Donald Trump and ex-HP CEO turned feral mean girl Carly Fiorina, there will be no more absurd presidential campaign in 2016, or possibly until the end of life on Earth as we know it.
According to a recent CBS poll, only 23 percent of Republicans expressed interest in Cruz as president. In fact, the only person who polled lower was the worst thing to hit Louisiana since Katrina, Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has somehow managed to become a worse governor than Sarah Palin.
How is that even possible? (Hint: she quit and saved the state. Credit where credit is due, I always say.)
Cruz called the NRA-approved “shotgun” and jumped into the front seat of the 2016 GOP clown car on Monday, skipping the traditional exploratory committee phase which probably would have told him, “Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown — and you’re a Canadian.”
All signs seem to indicate that, while Cruz is running, he’s not really “running,” so much as playing “don’t you forget about me” [throws fist in the air as he walks across football field].